My Open Letter to Steve (Jobs)

Posted On: January 3, 2011
By: ffdadmin

Dear Steve,

I like your junk. No, not like that. Your gadgets. The pretty-shiny-sexy toys that you and all your geeks down in Cupertino spend untold hours obsessing over in a shroud of secrecy to perfect every tiny detail. Well, apparently, not every tiny detail. You know, like the latest iphone alarm bug.

A little background: I used to have a phone that could make calls, but I gladly traded it for your gorgeous iphone (an iphone that didn’t even have copy and paste for-the-love-of-God!) that had Apps! Apps that could help me do stuff, like spend time with my daughter smashing green pigs with angry birds. You know, quality stuff.  Oh yeah, I also use it for all those other little details like keeping track of my life, my family, my job, my clients, and my career. Minor silly stuff.

So about this latest iphone alarm bug… You know, the one where the year changes and suddenly the alarm stops working because it’s a new year, so who would want to keep being bothered with old alarms, right? The iphone alarm bug that supposedly got a woman in New York fired from her job since she was late? While I’m totally hopefully that she can show up with a note from Steve (that’d be you) explaining how it wasn’t really her fault since your engineers aren’t so good at dates (I always thought it was dating that gave geeks and nerds trouble, but apparently it is anything involving the word date) and get her job back, somehow I’m not so sure that’ll work.

So here’s the thing, Steve. This isn’t the first iphone alarm bug. And I’ve gotta ask: “What the fuck is the goddamn problem?”

You love to get up on stage in your black mock turtleneck and wax about how you can offer a user experience unrivaled by anyone else because you control both the software and the hardware. Am I crazy or should this elegant user experience include software that reliably tells the hardware to make a loud noise because we expect our alarms to alarm? I know, I’m crazy. But hey aren’t you guys all about toasting to the crazy ones?

Help your engineers out, bro, and let them know that without fail, every 365 days (don’t bother explaining leap years to them until they’ve got the basics down pat, is my philosophy) the year will change, and that since your iphone makes a questionable phone at best, your loyal users would at least like to think of ourselves as having gotten a great deal on an absolutely gorgeous (and functioning) alarm clock. That works. Every day. Even when daylight savings time ends. Or begins. Or the year changes.

I know math is hard, but you can do it!