A few months ago I started seeing billboards warning that the end of the world is coming. Soon. May 21, to be exact. Yep, three days from today, Judgment Day will be here, according to some guy named Harold Camping.
A little about this Harold Camping character: he’s president of Family Radio, which is saying on its website that the Bible guarantees that the world is coming to an end on Saturday. He graduated from UC Berkeley in 1942. (Berkeley? Really? How things seem to have changed there in the last 69 years.) Anyway, he and some other guys bought a radio station in the San Francisco Bay Area in 1958 to spread the word about religion. And then he spent a lot of time reading the Bible and determining that the world is going to end on Saturday. (Then why did I pay my Visa bill on Tuesday? Silly me.)
Which got me thinking: for the believers out there who are getting raptured on Saturday, is it worth trying to prepare your home for an extended absence before you take off? I’m no theologian so I’m not sure if there is any good reason for preparing your house like this, but I do my best to be helpful. So on that note…
Chances are your house will be empty through a winter or two, or for eternity. Or, if you happen to be reading this from the southern hemisphere, winter is a month away, so it can’t hurt to winterize your place, pronto. Winterizing involves all sorts of time-consuming activities like cleaning gutters, fixing leaks, installing storm windows, cleaning chimneys and wrapping pipes. I’m not so sure that with 72 hours left on earth, give or take a few, that I’d spend my precious time glopping last year’s leaves out of the gutters. I might do something fun instead.
A few more house-prep tips: turn the heat down, but not off completely. This will prevent unsightly cracks in the plaster from cold weather. And if Jesus comes for a visit, the place better be in good shape. Also, don’t forget to take out the trash. Seems like a big “duh” but get it done before you check out on Saturday.
And for the pet-lovers among the believers out there, you can plan ahead for Fido and Fluffy, who are apparently not going where the rapture-worthy are going on Saturday. Contact Eternal Earthbound Pets, which is charging $135 per pet, plus $20 per additional pet per household, to care for your critters while you enjoy heaven. If anyone cares to comment about a heaven that doesn’t take dogs, I’d love to hear it.